Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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