If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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