Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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