ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
