if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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