If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
