You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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