I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
