Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
