it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
