I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
