We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
