just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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