HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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