The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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