Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
