I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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