12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can't turn off my feet"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
