I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
