i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
