Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
