If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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