She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
