the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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