You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
