shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
