at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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