i wish my penis had a tongue
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
