You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
