i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
