i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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