i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
