smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
