no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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