I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
