she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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