Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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