having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
