He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
