Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
