the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
