I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
