so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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