So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
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You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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