Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
