Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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