i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
