I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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