these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
