Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize