the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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