hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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