i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
