a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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