Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
