I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
should my penis look like a turkey
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
