My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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