She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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