did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
