Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
