walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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