I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
